I’m sitting here on what some call Holy Saturday…or the Easter Vigil…feeling very much the in-betweenness of the day. I am thinking back to those early Christians, and the uncertainty and doubt and fear they must have felt at seeing Jesus crucified. He was supposed to be the Messiah. He was supposed to save everyone. He was supposed to win. But on Saturday, He is dead…in a tomb. And so the Apostles and all the believers are confronted with seemingly shattered beliefs. It seems as though they were wrong, their faith…their beliefs misplaced to the extreme. So the question they most certainly had to wrestle with…is what to do next. Or more importantly…what to believe now. They had to choose.

I am by no means a philosopher or intellectual juggernaut or a theologian…or anything close to those things.  But I try to read some of what those people write…try to get my head around the ideas they articulate and at least play with the ideas they posit.  

The other day, while reading Bishop Robert Barron’s, The Priority of Christ, something struck me, that came back to my mind as I was considering the shattered faith that is represented on this in-between Saturday. In the end…whatever you believe…it comes down to choice.  

Stand up any perspective, any rationale, any philosophy, and yes, any religion or spirituality, and if you push hard enough, the foundation lies in a choice.  You have to accept a premise…a foundation…a cornerstone from which to build…in order to get to the bigger thing. and there is always a counter-argument, a refutation, a seemingly logical alternative explanation or view of the world. At some point in any system of ideas, you have to accept a premise. You have to accept something that is not universally, beyond any possible doubt or counter-argument true. Most people may believe it. It may be agreeable to many different perspctives, philosophies and religions, but it seems to me nothing is absolutely universally recognized as true.

I can trust my senses. Something had to exist first. I think therefore I am. We make our own reality. There is good and evil in the world. All that exists is matter. All of these statements…dare I say beliefs…are premises at the foundation of different idea systems…different ways of viewing the world. You may agree with them all…but none of them are beyond argument…beyond a shadow of a doubt if you will.

Now some might take this as a reason to not believe anything. If nothing can be truly known with absolute certainty, then why bother. It is relativism in the highest order. But even that perspective requires accepting a premise…that nothing can ever be known with absolute certainty…meaning not now and not ever. I would argue that this realization actual demands a different response.

The implication here is not to abandon belief…or live in total skepticism. Rather, I think this compels us…as the knight warned Indiana Jones…to choose wisely.  

There is no “obvious”, a priori, belief system available to us.  We would seem to be pre-programmed…predestined even…to allow choice.  The reality is in fact that we must choose. We have to make a choice. For, as has been so often argued….avoiding a choice…is a choice in itself.

So this leaves us then to choose deliberately…purposefully…thoughtfully. It means putting in the work to make the choice about what to belief…about what to put your faith in. And then we have to take responsibility for that choice…and own it.  

Take for example, parents who teach their children their religious/faith tradition.   There is no question that is a choice. They are deciding what the foundation of thinking will be for their children. This will be the background of thoughts and ideas that they take out int the world. We need to own that choice. Some people try to argue that this is unfair because it biases the child in a certain direction or that it limits their options for how to see the world. Choosing to give a child a foundation that teaches all belief systems are equal or acceptable is also a choice.  There simply is no escaping it. So we need to make these choices deliberately, thoughtfully.

Sometimes I wonder if all the openness and acceptance and the sometimes ferocious non-judgementalism is not simply an escape from the real choice.  I can see it as a welcome escape…and probably not a conscious one for most….but nonetheless…it avoids being wrong…it avoids being judged (to some degree)…it avoids the difficult work of exploring and asking questions and pursuing something that truly convicts you in your soul. That’s what we shoudl all believe in…that way of thinking or perspective or philosphy or religion that feels true deep in our soul. That feels right even after hearing what others may argue against it. What we believe should convict us and should resonate so deep that we are ready to sacrifice for that conviction.

R. O. Quine wrote that “seeking the unambiguous foundations of thought is like looking for places in Ohio that are starting places.”  Bishop Barron extrapolates from this and suggests it all depends on where you happen to be…and where you want to go.  It seems to me this last part is the key…because that is what really guides our choosing.

The place we find ourselves right now, could be due to any number of things beyond our control. What matters…and what will determine our future…or at least what should…is where we want to go. The place we want to arrive at…THAT is our choice.

So if you find yourself in an in-between day. Whether the loss of someone you loved dearly…or a loss of faith…or whether you have just been hit with a dose of reality that seems pretty undeniable…think about where you want to end up. When it is all said and done…where do you want to be. And you must go there recognizing your preconceived ideas and dispositions and quirks…and you must forcibly check them at the proverbial door….and seek truth…honestly…vigorously…no matter how shocking the place where you find it.  

For me, the truth about this world, this life, and about the reason we even exist is found in a tomb…and a manger…and in a temple…and on a cross…and in a Church. For me…it lies in Jesus Christ. The author and actor in the greatest story that no one would have ever predicted.  A crucified Savior…an icon of torture and sacrifice as His symbol…self-less love. This is God…this is the author of Life…this is our Creator…this is our King. Yes, He died on Friday, but He rose on Sunday!