Maybe because Christmas trees are already appearing in stores, or because I stumbled across a Christmas song while introducing my daughter to U2 and Frank Sinatra, but when I read today’s reading from Paul, I was struck by the idea of God bringing us “nearer.”

But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off
have become near by the Blood of Christ.

What does this have to do with Christmas you may ask? Well for me, one of the big themes…one of the echos in my soul at Christmas time…is that God Came Near….God is with Us. Such a magnanimous gesture…that our Creator humbled Himself, and came closer to us…He lowered Himself to be closer to us. And now I see…not only did He lower Himself, but He also lifted us up. He drew us closer to Him. And what really strikes me…is how He is doing all the work. Moving us to Him…Him coming closer to us. I mean how much greater of a demonstration of His love for us do we need? How much more evidence do we need…do I need…to understand that God wants me…desires me…appreciates me…loves me…just as I am. We are infinitely valuable to Him…despite our sin…despite our stubbornness…despite our rebellion. God loves us. He will move Heaven and Earth…and even Himself for our sake. Think about it! He asks so little of us…and yet with just a little bit of effort on our part…we move infinitely nearer…to Him.

Today I felt a familiar sting in Paul’s letter to Timothy: Do not be enamored by the present world. It stings because I know I’m guilty of it. I am enamored with this world. I cling to it…I hold on to it….and the thought of leaving it scares me to death (almost).

But my attachment to this world is not about material things…as I expect many interpret Paul’s warning. I mean sure I love technology and gadgets as much as the next guy (I could go on and on about my iPad), and I don’t pretend that I wouldn’t throw a mild tantrum if for some reason I had to give away my iPad or flatscreen TV or car. But I honestly think I could do it if necessary. I mean as cool as all this stuff is…I recognize it’s really of little significance in the grand scheme (as I think George Carlin brilliantly (if irreverently) demonstrated). And the same goes for money. I appreciate money…I like having it…I try to be a good steward of it…but I don’t think about it too much. I certainly don’t worry about it (though obviously much of that is because of the goodness and blessings God has bestowed on me and my family).

No…I am attached to this world…or “enamored” with it at a deeper, and I think more serious, level. I think I see it most clearly when I think about dying. The simple truth is…I don’t want to die. I mean I am sure most people don’t WANT to die, but as a Christian, shouldn’t I be looking forward to (maybe even longing) for the day when I am united with Jesus in Heaven…when I leave this broken world and return home? But if I’m honest, I have to admit I’m really not looking forward to that at all. (Forgive me, Jesus.)

And it’s not that I don’t want to have an intimate relationship with my Savior…I do…and hopefully I am pursuing that every day. It’s also not that I am concerned with how I am going to die…or that I am worried about whether I will get to go to Heaven when I do die. No…it’s really more about when am I going to die…and I guess partly…what happens after we die. [Just thinking about this last issue brings me to the brink of what I imagine would be a panic attack if I let it…my chest hurts…its hard to breath….my heart is racing…]

I realized awhile ago (because I’ve been dealing with this for a long time)…that this desperate attachment I have to this life…to my life…is rooted in my unwillingness to let go of this life. I don’t want to die because I have plans. I have things I want to do. There are people here that I believe need me…and they need me here.

When I really think about it, I see that at some place below the surface of my soul, I am unwilling to accept and believe with my heart (not just my mind) that my plans are nothing compared to God’s plans…and that I can’t begin to realize the first part of any plan without God’s help….and that despite how important I like to think I am, there is no need that anyone has (including those of my wife and daughter), that God can not meet either with or without me, and certainly infinitely better than I can. And when I look at it that way, my “love” of this world is really just pride and arrogance.

But it isn’t just that, because I also worry about what Heaven will be like. What will we do all “day?” What will we be? To be honest, some of the images of Heaven and eternity that are out there are a bit…unsettling. Is eternity all about harps and church services all day? Are we absorbed into God in such a way that we lose who we are as individuals? Or is it more the way C.S. Lewis describes it…a world not unlike our current one, but more real. (Oh how I hope it is the latter.)

And still if I push further, all of this…all of my pride and fear boil down to me being worried about me. Despite all my failings, all my sinfulness, all my issues…I don’t want to lose “me.” And that, I’m afraid, is maybe the more dangerous kind of world-enamor, because at the core of loving this world…of worrying about yourself…is not believing or trusting God.

So here I am…all self-analyzed with he curtain of my soul pulled back. And once again I am confronted with the simplicity of the fix.

If I just believe (not just intellectually, but emotionally and spiritually believe) that God is in control, that He does love me, that He made me, that His Son rose from the dead, that Jesus has gone to prepare a place for me…if I believe all these things (and all the other promises in the Bible)…and I mean really believe them…then I can live life with open hands…letting God put in them whatever He wants me to have and also letting Him take whatever He knows I no longer need. If I really just believed all the things Christ died to tell me, then I would be enamored with Him instead of this world. And if I really was enamored with Him…then my eternal life would begin right now…and Heaven would be here on Earth.

In the readings on Saturday, Paul is praying for the Ephesians asking:

May the eyes of your hearts be enlightened,
that you may know what is the hope that belongs to his call,
what are the riches of glory
in his inheritance…
and what is the surpassing greatness of his power
for us who believe….

What an incredible prayer and what a gift the answer would be. To know the Hope in God’s call on my life…to really know what He wants me to do…and to have complete faith and confidence in knowing it will succeed. To behold the riches of His glory as my inheritance…simply because He loves me…and chose me…and accepted me as his child. To live with the surpassing greatness of his power…to live free of fear…free of hesitation…because I know I am powered by Him…by His Spirit…the force of Life.

Father, this is my prayer for me….for all of us. That I may know you as Paul describes…that you are real and present to me in a radical way…a life changing way. And not just me…but be real and present to all of your Church. Transform us all…into Lightbearers…images of Your Son.

Earlier this week the daily readings dropped us in the middle of Paul’s admonition of the Galatians for doubting…and faltering in the Faith. Interestingly he challenges us not to “submit again to the yoke of slavery”…which is to say sin.

I know I have read this many times…and it may even be one of the pieces of Scripture I could quote (through probably not cite specifically). But I’m just realizing the true nature of his warning here.

He is not warning us about “falling” into sin. He is not telling us to take heed lest we wander into sin or get dragged in by others. No. He is telling us that we must fight against our deliberate, conscious choosing of sin.

Before we came to know Christ, we still had a choice…but we had no power to choose…no power to break away and deny those stubborn, evil impulses the world taught us.

This reminds me of a song done many years ago by the group The Newsboys (who by the way have a great new song out right now called “Born Again”). Here is how they described it:

Like a criminal guilty on all counts,
rattling his cage with every ounce
of resolve he never had,
I was convicted.

Then I took the pardon
and the walls came down,
but I must like it here,
’cause I keep hanging around
for a better suit, and an escort,
and a winning lottery ticket.

First we waited for miracles.
Then we needed a sign.
Now we’re here to confess
we’ve wasted the time.

Despite that we have been set free by Christ…despite that we now have the strength and the power (through the Holy Spirit) to resist sin…to flee from sin…to resist and deny the worst parts of ourselves…we don’t. At least we don’t all the time…and maybe we don’t much of the time.

Somehow, we feel comfortable in our filth…in our crud. I imagine it is like the ex-con who was in prison for so long, that he forgets how to live outside of that prison…and so rather than fight through it…it is easier to go back…easier to choose sin again.

I can’t begin to count the number of times I’ve committed the same sin (and THAT is the frustration…its the same sin) over and over again…immediately feeling the conviction of God’s Spirit…begging and receiving His forgiveness…and then on another day in another situation being weak…and sinning (that same sin) once again.

Don’t get me wrong, I know we all sin…and I know we will never be perfected in this life…sin is a consequence of our collective rebellion. But damn if it isn’t frustrating to see myself regressing…and doing so willingly (at least at that moment).

But that’s why we need Paul…and the rest of Scripture…and the Saints….and our brothers and sisters here on Earth. We need to encourage one another. We need to build eachother up…and maybe sometimes hold eachother up (i.e. http://www.biblestudytools.com/asv/exodus/17-12.html).

We need to constantly remind eachother that…We are free….free indeed! We can choose! We can choose to leave our prisons of sin! We can walk through the open door…and into the Life of Christ…the life he has waiting for us in Him. And if we make that decision one moment at a time…if I make that decision one moment at a time…I know I will find Christ with me…taking that step with me…right by my side.

“Free at last; free at last; thank God Almighty we are free at last.”
— Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have to be honest and admit that I sometimes chuckle when I hear statements like, “Well that’s not the kind of God I believe in.”  My reaction to this is…as if.   As if…granting there is a God….or if you want…gods…his (or okay…her) nature could be modified based on our belief.  As if…we have that much control over anything…because if we did…wouldn’t we make our lives much different from how they are (or at least somewhat different)?  As if…we can presume to have any idea about how God SHOULD behave or what He SHOULD look like…because we have that kind of omniscience.   As if…we would want a God that can be affected by our fickle desires, by our wants…by our whims.  As if…God doesn’t chuckle when He hears someone say, “That’s not the kind of God I believe in.” 

Change happens slowly.  Actually…noticed change happens slowly.  By the time we experience a change whether a change in us..or a change in others…or a change in society…there have already been innumerable small changes leading to that one.  Even big changes…world changing changes are just the culmination of smaller, unnoticed changes.  Makes me think we should pay more attention to what is changing….right now.  Otherwise, we may wake up one day and wonder how we got here…or worse…not wonder.